November is National Adoption Month!

Adoption is not the “secret” it used to be. Nearly 1 in 5 Americans either know someone who was adopted, has adopted a child, or has relinquished a child for adoption.

Being part of an adoptive family is now something to be celebrated. Yet, even with the increasing number of adoptive families, there remain plenty of questions that linger about the process, and a large portion of these questions come from the adoptive parents’ families and friends.

That is precisely why Elisabeth O’Toole wrote In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. As an adoptive mom herself (she adopted three children), she wanted a way to help address the concerns and questions raised by the people in an adoptive family’s adoption circle:  relatives, friends, peers, caregivers, teachers, and colleagues.

With degrees from both Northwestern University and Colorado State University, Elisabeth has held professional experience in business, education, and non-profit organization fields. She currently lives in Minnesota.

Please welcome Elisabeth to the Spotlight!

MCA: Welcome, Elisabeth! I’m sure November is a very special month for you, so we’re excited to be able to share your story with our readers. What motivated you to write In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption?
Elisabeth: At a critical point during my adoption process I realized that unlike the other big episodes in my life – choosing a college, planning a wedding, buying a house, the birth of a niece of nephew – this critical experience of forming my own family seemed to be happening apart from most of the people I’m closest to. It is very different than any of those “big” things where so many people are involved.

The adoption process (the classes, the paperwork, the decision-making) did not formally include anyone but my husband and me. I wanted the people who knew me the best and cared about me the most to be as involved and integrated as they’d been for those other life-changing experiences.

As my family aged and our circle expanded, I realized that throughout our lives I was going to want the other people around me and my family to feel like prepared adoption insiders, too – for my own sake and for the sake of my children. I wanted my kids’ teacher and caregivers and classmates and coaches to be insiders, too. I needed a way to welcome other people into adoption to give them a tool to provide them with information and insights about adoption. I also needed a way reassure the people who cared about me and the coming child, but for whom contemporary adoption was still new and a bit scary.

They would be surprised to know that contemporary adoption was scary for me once, too.

MCA: What an excellent reason to write about adoption! Now that you have an award-winning book, what are your goals for upcoming 2013?
Elisabeth: My initiatives for In On It this year are primarily about expanding the audience for it.

In our communities are the teachers, caregivers, neighbors, healthcare providers, babysitters, coaches, and friends of adoptive families. These are the people at whose homes our kids play, in whose offices they receive care. I’d like In On It to become a tool to help these more general readers — who might see a book about adoption and think “What does that have to do with me?” — instead see how greater familiarity with adoption can help them better understand and better support or provide services to adoptive families.

I’d like to continue to pursue collaborations with adoption professionals – social workers, attorneys, bloggers, publishers, writers, etc. I plan to continue sending out review copies and soliciting reviews. I’ll also continue writing for other organizations and outlets. I’ll also continue offering speaking and workshops for prospective families and their loved ones, too.

Last, I’d like to refresh aspects of my book in preparation for its third printing in early 2013. I’d especially like to include some of the more current and significant endorsements I have garnered and update the book’s list of resources.

MCA: Please name three ways your Mom’s Choice Award® will help you attain your goals.
Elisabeth: As a self-published author, I have had challenges reaching the school, general parenting, and library markets. I’m particularly interested in the Award’s potential for reaching the decision-makers in those areas.

I believe the Mom’s Choice Award reaches those audiences and offers the book credibility and legitimacy, even if they’re initially unaware of it. Buyers are not taking a risk because the book has received the Mom’s Choice Award® endorsement.

It also raises awareness of the book (and adoption) as relevant to more general audiences. Finally, the Award provides marketing and promotional support that I’m already using and from which I’m already seeing benefits.

MCA: Can you share with us what you learned about yourself as a writer in creating your award-winning book? 
Elisabeth: My writing process included interviewing other adoptive parents and grandparents about their experiences with adoption. This provided an important personal opportunity to reflect on my own family’s adoptions and our experiences with relatives and friends. With some years between my adoption process and the writing, I was able to see things with new eyes — with the perspective that time and experience could offer.

Most notably, I was able to reconsider the reaction of a particular family member to our first adoption. She had not welcomed the news, instead challenging our decision to adopt by asking, “Are you sure you have tried everything [to get pregnant]?” I had considered this reaction to be judgmental and small; knee-jerk resistance to something she knew nothing about. But years later, after talking to other grandparents about their reactions to adoption so that I could write about it in In On It, I was able to understand that other people – including grandparents – also experience loss around adoption. In fact, it’s not at all unusual for other close family members to anticipate a particular experience or grandchild – the lost “imagined child” that adoptive parents are counseled to acknowledge and grieve as part of becoming parents.

I had not understood that I needed to extend my understanding of loss to others around me. Others had lost the grandchild they had expected, and needed to have that acknowledged and to grieve. By writing about loss – and thereby reconsidering that of the people around me and my family — I had the opportunity to reconsider my whole early experience with adoption. Today, instead of having resentment about what I once saw as a negative reaction by a critical family member, I can instead locate within myself great compassion for someone who experienced a significant adoption-related loss, too.

MCA: That is a wonderful story … not a perspective you often hear. I’m wondering, are there other stories you’ve gotten in sharing the book with audiences? Do you have a favorite memory?
Elisabeth: I have received lovely feedback from family members and friends of adoptive parents, who have welcomed a resource that addresses their particular needs and concerns around adoption.

My favorite feedback came from a woman who was waiting to become a grandmother through adoption. She wrote to me, telling me that “Written with humor and honesty, I found In On It to be very helpful and instructive. I feel more protective toward our coming grandchild and more involved in the adoption after reading [the book].”

For me, that use of the word “protective” was profound. If my book had in any way helped this adoptive grandmother feel more committed to the adoption, more included in the process, and more important in the life of the child – indeed, a “protector” – it had more than satisfied every goal I had for it.

Though the book has been kindly reviewed by many significant adoption professionals and publications, I was humbled to receive this particular endorsement from a waiting grandparent.

MCA: How wonderful! As a new honoree, do you have any questions you’d like some of the “old hands” to answer for you?
Elisabeth: I’d love to know what I can expect for the book over time – what is the “life” of a book like? That is, what is the typical sales trajectory? At what point should I stop trying to get it reviewed (it’s just too old)? How does one estimate future print runs, etc.? When should I time a revised edition?

I would also appreciate suggestions as to reaching audiences that might not immediately see my book as relevant to them: teachers, healthcare providers, nanny and childcare services, etc.

Finally, I’d love suggestions for marketing myself as a speaker – again to a variety of audiences. What types of marketing materials and strategies are most useful? What kinds of marketing messages are compelling? How are speaking fees determined? Any tips around length, materials, format, etc.?

MCA: Thank you for sharing your story with us, Elisabeth. We look forward to seeing how your book can branch out this month and in 2013. We hope you are able to continue to get your message about adoption out there – we here at Mom’s Choice certainly hope to help out too!

Mom’s Choice Awards® Honors

In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption
written by Elisabeth O’Toole
Fig Press, LLC
Adult Books
Gold – Adoption

Contact, Connect, and Network with Elisabeth

The Alumni Spotlight is a periodic feature on the official Mom’s Choice Awards® blog. It is part of our ongoing effort to “shine the spotlight” on you and your award-winning, family-friendly products, services, and media.