Do you have an ice breaker? When you walk into a room filled with people you don’t know, how do you start the conversation? Do you ask the questions or do you wait until they ask you one. If you’re at a conference and a session isn’t what you thought, do you hang around or leave?

When it comes to face-to-face encounters, we all have tried and true methods that work for us. But when we shift to online communities, sometimes we don’t know where to begin.

The subject of my first ABCs column was the importance of reading what your peers and industry experts are saying. More specifically, the post was about stepping into the blogosphere and reading what other people are writing. Essentially, the “A” of our ABCs … getting acclimated.

Now, with 90 days experience, it’s time to take the next step … becoming a participant. No matter what platform you use – blog, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Ning, Goodreads, etc. – it is important that you not only follow the conversation, but also contribute to it. Did someone write a post that you think is interesting … leave a comment! Are you interested in learning about trends in book publishing? Then become a member of a group.

By engaging in the conversation, you are de facto promoting yourself, even if you never mention your book or product.  Odds are pretty good that when you become a regular commenter or conversationalist, people will start coming back to your site to see what you are talking about and/or doing. Real world or online, it’s about building an audience … and connections are audiences.

Here are a few final tips.

Start small. Join a group and/or start one in a medium you already use. If your a Goodreads author, then search for groups related to what you write about.

Listen First. Follow the group for a bit to get a sense of its personality. If the “vibe” fits for you, then introduce yourself. If not, then politely and quietly “leave the room.”

Balance your time. In the end, it all comes back to time. If you don’t have time to “make the rounds” to each of your groups everyday, then have the updates to the message boards sent to your mailbox. It is easy to control the number of updates you get, and if it turns out that over time the group is taking too much time, then you can stop being a member.

Like personal connections, it is important to always be polite, professional, and courteous. But unlike those face-to-face encounters, it is also easier to walk away when something doesn’t work for you. So talk with some of your fellow honorees … where are the virtual water coolers they hang out?